When You Care Enough to Send the Very Breast!
Today is Saint Patrick’s Day and we were touched to see dozens and dozens of greeting cards on sale just perfect for wishing your friends and family the Top o’ the Morning! While we can think of no better reason to start our day with lurid green cupcakes and drown our after work aggressions in too much green beer, St. Patty’s seems a weird reason to send someone a Hallmark Card. The New York Times counted no less than 900 free websites available to the well-intentioned cyber stalker fond of dispatching countless quirky online greetings to his erstwhile friends. All the better to receive those annoying e-mail links that take you to the cute dancing trolls who spell out “HAVE A NICE DAY!!!” in sparkle type.
In spite of the popularity of these electronic hug-o-grams, the Greeting Card Industry still tracks sales in excess of $8 billion in traditional paper cards. It seems some people remain old-school about recognizing landmark events.
Hallmark Greetings maintains the largest market share of snail mail cards in the US. Scanning the racks at our local drugstore for just the right words to wish one of our favorite South Beach Divas continued success on her new breast augmentation, we were stymied by the lack of an appropriately cheerful pick-me-up.
We wondered, “What’s the matter? Does nothing rhyme with Silicone?”
We were tempted to buy a blank note or a clearance sale Valentine and scratch out the love message in favor of this:
You scrimped and saved on lunch and drinks
You did without new shoes
You cast aside your IRA
To fund your Brand New Boobs!We can not wait til you are healed
And ready to display those glorious new jugs of your’s
MY GOSH but they are HUGE!”
Ok - forget it…
That’s where the niche market for alternative greetings comes in. South Beach is home to some of the best (and worst) plastic surgery work you’ll ever see. Locals who can’t be bothered putting in all that sweat equity at the gym can buy themselves firmer calf muscles or super-defined pecs at the doctor’s office in no time! Which leaves the rest of us with the quandary of finding the perfect greeting to send while the stitches heal.
Check out Lift Me Up Cards, the website that’s cashing in on the millions of people who MAY HAVE had a little work on their boobies, butts or beaks last year. With childlike graphics including the boobilicious lass who offers, “Congratulations on the Twins!” you’re ready to cheer up your no-longer-flat-chested friend as she languishes in recovery. Choose from such carefully worded classics as, “Your Nose Looks Great, ” or “I Thought You Needed a Lift!” or the more genteel, “You Look Like a Million Bucks!”
From lipo to vein removal, there’s an uplifting note for every body part you can imagine. Emily Post would be so proud of you for finding new ways to cheer your no longer old looking friends.
Lift Me Up Cards are available online at liftmeupcards.com at the aptly named ME Day Spa, 1439 Alton Road.
Leave a Comment